Friday, 21 July 2017

Fic Writers Week Day #5

Fic Writers Week 2017

Fic Writers Week is an initiative over on Tumblr to celebrate fandom - the writers who create all that free content, and the readers who consume it. Find out more at my masterpost.

The task for day five is...

Verbatim. Writers: Share your favourite quotes from your fics - There’s always those passages that you’re the most proud of writing. This prompt is so you can proudly showcase them to your readers!

Humour is hard to write so here are a few lines I was particularly pleased with:

#1. Kind Of - Rules of Engagement fic with Russell trying to convince Timmy to give the marriage a go ~
His father was a shallow, lecherous womanizer, and Russell had spent his whole life trying to make the guy proud by being just like him.  
... 
'So,' he tried again, 'do you want me to come over and put the kama in your sutra?'
His phone buzzed only minutes later. 
'While I congratulate you on finding a line which is both repellent and mildly offensive, I really must decline your offer.' 
Russell frowned, and before he had chance to mouth the words through more than once his cell buzzed again. 
'To summarize in a word of one syllable: no.'
#2. Also this whole scene from a Stuart/Raj The Big Bang Theory fic I wrote in 2013. I find snappy dialogue a real struggle but I think it turned out well. :3
"I say again," Howard said, with a longing glance at the Xbox controller on the coffee table, "where's the problem?" 
"Dude!" Raj exclaimed, and flung his arms around for extra emphasis. "Have you been listening to me? Stuart's family thinks Stuart and I are an item, and they want me to stay for the Thanksgiving as Stuart's boyfriend!" 
Sheldon sniffed, watching his gesticulation in distaste. "While I will miss your traditional Thanksgiving gift - and please note the lack of determiner before Thanksgiving - it is the accepted social custom in these circumstances." When Raj only stared at him, bewildered, Sheldon went on, "I believe the usual advice offered in such a situation is 'man up'." 
Penny just shrugged and gestured the hand holding her fork in Sheldon's general direction. "What he said." 
That left Leonard, and Raj looked at him beseechingly. Surely Leonard would understand how disturbing this latest turn of events was? 
Leonard pushed his glasses up his nose, and Raj leaned so far out of his seat in anticipation he was on the verge of falling. He did fall, flailing hopelessly as he clambered back onto the chair, because Leonard's opening line was, 
"I know it's kind of scary when things start getting serious, but meeting someone's mother doesn't have to be that big a deal. Penny help me out here." 
Penny put her hands out in front of her, as though warding off the question. "Your mother is not a good case in point." 
"Try meeting my mother," Howard muttered, bitter, and Raj interrupted the lot of them, panic rising because if this was some sort of weird prank, he was already sick of it, 
"Things are not getting serious, because there are no things! There is nothing. Nada. Shunya. Stuart is not my boyfriend!" 
That caught their attention. 
"Aw, sweetie, did you and Stuart break up again?" 
Raj gaped at Penny, wondering if Sheldon's alternate universe theory was correct, and he had been accidentally transported into the realm of another Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. One who noticed things like how nice Stuart smelled, and the way he was cutting and sharp to everyone and about everything but smiled at Raj all shy and secretive, like he was the only one whose opinion actually mattered. 
"Again?" He asked, because it seemed the more important thing to focus on. Stuart's eyes were just eyes, it wasn't weird that he was realising he had always thought them pretty. "We never broke up one time, because we were never together. I'm not gay!" 
He probably should have started with the last one, he thought with the gift of hindsight. 
"Wait," Howard said, and this time Raj knew he had his friend's full attention. He could almost hear the cogs whirring. "But you live together." 
"Sheldon and Leonard live together," Raj countered, and it hurt, just a little, that Howard couldn't just accept his word for it. 
"He does have a point," Sheldon noted. 
"Yeah, but you two don't sleep in the same bed," Howard pointed out, and though Raj opened his mouth to protest, he was forced to close it, no obvious argument forming.
"That is usually a pre-requisite for regular coitus." 
"Shut up, Sheldon," Raj snapped. "We don't have coitus. We're just two dudes who share a bed." His apartment was small, and his couch was uncomfortable. And it wasn't as if Stuart squirmed about or snored. Not loudly, at any rate. "That's all there is to it." 
"Okay," Howard said, in the way that meant it wasn't okay at all. 
"You're Facebook married," Penny said, her food forgotten. "You bought him a bunch of roses for Valentine's Day. I was there." She gave Leonard a look which suggested a visit to the comic store was not the kind of romantic gesture she appreciated. 
"Yeah," Raj conceded, "but it wasn't a love thing. We're just two dudes who share a bed and buy each other flowers occasionally. There is nothing homosexual about it." 
"Can you even hear yourself?" Howard asked, but refrained from making a more detailed attempt at ripping Raj's arguments to pieces. That was the kind of sacrifice you made for a best friend. 
"This is fascinating," Sheldon said, untouched by social niceties. "Tell me, would you be willing to have electrodes attached to your brain?" 
"Sheldon," Penny said, warningly, and Sheldon pouted like a child and said defiantly,
"I was only thinking of a potential research angle for Amy. That is why we make such a good partnership, we understand each other." 
"No, I'm not even going there," Penny said, more to herself than to the room at large, then turned to Raj. She even took his hand. Raj swallowed thickly. "Raj, sweetie, you don't think you and Stuart are in a relationship, I get it." 
Howard muttered something at that. Raj chose to be the bigger man and ignored him. 
"But," Penny continued, and her tone changed, like she was trying to sugarcoat something he really wasn't going to want to hear, "are you sure that Stuart doesn't? Because, from where I'm sitting, it doesn't sound like Stuart had any objections to taking you home and introducing you to his Mom as his boyfriend." 
It was a ridiculous idea. But... Stuart hadn't looked uncomfortable at his sister's comments, he hadn't even looked all that embarrassed - and it was a very rare occasion that Stuart didn't look embarrassed - and the week before, when Sheldon had made him stay late at the office, Stuart made him dinner and kissed his cheek like they were living in a 1950s sitcom. Stuart was kind of sweet like that, leaving him little notes, and fixing him packed lunches, and never saying anything on the mornings when they woke up in a tangle of limbs, Stuart's fingers soothing through the tangles in his hair... 
"Oh God," Raj groaned and buried his face in his hands. "My parents are going to kill me."




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