In honour of Anthony turning 27 yesterday, and the imminent arrival of my own 27th birthday, here are my top seven worst things about being a grown up...

The plus is not having this haircut.

Or, you know, nagging Anthony to take the bin out. Either way, it's heavy, it smells bad, and, as Ben Elton once observed, you have to get through all the surrounding 'satellite' carrier bags before you can even reach the mother ship...


Not wholly unrelated, but different enough to count as its own separate category of hell. Some cleaning tasks are strangely satisfying, most are simply disgusting. I even worked as a cleaner for years but there's a big difference between cleaning your own toilet and cleaning someone else's. Namely, the latter is something you get paid for...

Me and Rhys,

The only thing you have to remember as a kid is to wash your hands and do your homework. But once you become an adult you have to remember every significant date, ever, and then you make the mistake of hooking up with someone else and then you have to remember every significant date they have too. To cope with it you buy a paper diary, preferably with a little pen attached, and wait for the inevitable rain storm / water bottle / sippy cup to render all your hard work completely worthless.



Before you have to actually live as a grown up and you see a pair of 100% accurate replica hand crafted Freddy gloves, you can just cancel your Netflix subscription and live on Smart Price baked beans for six months. Children apparently need a more varied diet. Who knew?

Anthony and Georgia.

The thing I never understand about the people on shows like Grand Designs is the all encompassing desire they have to 'bring the outside in'. The reason people invented houses is to keep the outside out. Full of dirt, and things which sting, bite, and otherwise want to discomfort you, the outside kind of sucks. It doesn't even have the decency to not bother you if you just leave it alone. Instead it grows wild and makes all your neighbours silently judge your unkempt hedge. No matter how sophisticated the human race becomes, gardening will ensure we are forever enslaved to the whims of Mother Nature.


It might seem like only yesterday but, really, it was decades ago. The technology you grew up with is obsolete, and the music you listened to has been relegated to Radio 2.

They don't do anything like they used to - and nobody younger than you gives a damn...

I originally posted this on my doll blog, it's so cute it deserved to be moved over...

One of the best things about buying vintage dolls and accessories, especially in bundles or job lots, are the little relics of childhood that often come with them. Those disastrous early sewing attempts in the form of Sindy's home made skirt, Pippa's chest of drawers crafted from match boxes, and the plastic Christmas cracker toys that, by virtue of their diminutive size, ended up being stuck in a box in the attic with Barbie and her wardrobe.

My mum picked up one such bundle of Sindy clothes on eBay last week, and tucked away with one of the outfits was the cutest handmade dolly magazine from 1967. More specifically it must have been from January or February that year because, according to the Top Ten countdown, The Monkees' I'm a Believer was #1 in the UK music charts. Welcome to Mod magazine, containing 'every thing a girl could want':


Page one gives you 'Hints on a Party' - 'always make sure they know when it is'. Still some sound advice that, even 40-odd years later. Then there are advertisements for 'a new mod dress - wonderful - you'll love it' (and only 36 shillings) and mod shoes:


Next come the chart listings and book recommendations ('Love in the House on the Moon' and 'The Mystery of the Romantic Ghost'), followed by advice to 'send off for a cooking book on how to make cakes now'. In fact at Mod magazine you could write in for advice on anything:


My absolute favourite thing in this tiny magazine - even better than 'Love in the House on the Moon' - has to be on the penultimate pages:


It's such a cute look back into a different time. Have you ever found any home made 'treasures' in with your eBay purchases?

To while away the time between being sick I've been YouTube-ing lots of spoof songs and comedy raps. They've always been one of my favourite forms of comedy, probably because they're so kitschy. Here's a Top Ten for today's post...



10. Bo Burnham

US satirical singer-songwriter I first heard of back in '08 with I'm Bo Yo. My fave is a song from the perspective of God for lines like 'who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick?' and 'No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you'. Deep, huh?



09. Lenny Henry

Lenny Henry's been a household name in the UK since the late 70s, when he was hosting popular Saturday morning kids' TV show Tiswas (short for the less catchy 'Today is Saturday, Watch and Smile'). He has done some funny spoofs over the years like 50 Cent, Beyonce, and Michael Jackson. And, being squeaky clean and on the Beeb, chances are you can even play them in front of your Gran without raising too many eyebrows. My favourite is this send up of Snoop Dogg:




08. The Lancashire Hotpots

UK comedy folk band with songs like I Fear Ikea - 'it's a good ten mile walk if you just want a shelf. Hang on, you want me to go in warehouse and pick it meself?', I'm Going To Poundland, - and the cheery hit You Could Get Hit By A Bus Tomorrow. My fave is Ebay 'Eck. :)




07. Goldie Lookin' Chain

The GLC are local boys, and the majority of their songs probably only really appeal to local people. But, they did score a number three hit back in 2004 with Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do. Other songs deal with the realities of life in South Wales, like, At The Job Centre - 'some people been going there for ages, their file's like the bible but it's got more pages' - and Nan Rita - 'she thinks she's got teeth in but she's forgotten, she thinks she's Britney Spears but looks like Dot Cotton'. One of the main members, Rhys Hutchings, is now a Labour councillor in Newport (the next town over), so we now have more than accents in common. Check out this rap summary of controversial fly on the wall reality show, Newport Bouncers.




06. Kevin Bishop

Apparently he's in an American comedy show these days (Super Fun Night?) but I don't watch much US TV so I don't know what it's like. His Channel 4 stuff like The Kevin Bishop Show and Star Stories is some of favourite pick me up TV though. Spoof songs weren't a major part of his sketch show, but there were still plenty of music related shenanigans. Like Fred West Side Story - brought to the stage 'by a lapse of judgement which could only happen in London's West End' (Fred West is one of the UK's most notorious serial killers) - and British Secondary School Musical. I also recommend the Daily Mail DVD skits, in addition to this pimped out 'yoof' version of Songs of Praise.




05. Dr Syntax

Okay, so Dr Syntax isn't a comedian exactly. He's actually a pretty well known figure on the underground UK hip-hop scene. But he also writes lyrics with the most cutting social commentary and amusing wordplay. Particularly on tracks like Subcultures, Subcultures Part II - 'I started chilling with some hippie types, in an eco village that's a little like a building site. I found out they're all posh kids in disguise, and all stay with Mummy back in Surrey when it's Christmas time' - and Hire Me - 'I went to uni twice but that's irrelevant, did it for the hell of it, middle class decadence'. Check out My House - it's funny 'cos it's true.




04. Lonely Island

US institution with huge hits like YOLO, and songs that deserved to be huge hits like Jack Sparrow (ft. Michael Bolton). Their funniest track, to my mind, is Mother Lover. The line 'they will be so surprised, we are so cool and thoughtful' gets me every time.




03. Katy Brand

UK comedienne who featured spoof songs as a regular part of her ITV vehicle, Katy Brand's Big Ass Show. There were loads of good ones, from Adele to Lady Gaga, to The Saturdays to Miley Cyrus. My favourites are her takes on Kanye West - 'the language I'm speaking to you in, English, was invented by me as a baby along with all the other languages, religions, and all that scientific stuff' - and Coldplay - 'when I sing this song, you know it's earnest, dull and long ... still I sing this song as the band plays blandly on, but I'm singing it from the heart like I'm a serious bloke and this is serious art'. Just pipping them to the post is a UK version of Usher's 'Love In This Club'.




02. Weird Al Yankovic

No list of spoof song artists would be complete without Weird Al, who I don't think needs any introduction. My faves include Handy, First World Problems - 'tried to fast forward commercials, can't I'm watching live TV ... my house is so big I can't get Wi-Fi in the kitchen' - and White and Nerdy. Video embedding position goes to Amish Paradise -




01. Epic Rap Battles of History

I was a latecomer to these but I absolutely love this series created by Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Aahiquist. They basically pit two well known historical figures - or else equally well known celebrities - against each other and ask the audience to determine which character won the rap battle. I'm always re-listening to Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates, Rasputin vs. Stalin, Hitler vs. Darth Vader - 'You can't rap against the dark side of the force, why even bother? So many dudes been with your mom, who even knows if I'm your father?' - and Adam vs. Eve: 'ditch the fig leaf, get yourself a pine needle' vs. 'I wasn't listening, are you still flapping those lips? I was just thinking, yo, did I give up a rib for this?' My all time favourite is Elvis vs. Michael Jackson, it even follows them over their careers.